Why the Gym Is the Best Third Place
We are lonelier than ever. Studies consistently rank loneliness as one of the leading public health crises of our time and yet most of us are still going through our days wondering why it feels so hard to connect. We go home. We go to work. We go home again. And somehow, in that loop, there's no room left for the kind of casual, low-stakes human connection that used to just happen.
The answer might not be a new app or a therapy hack. It might be a place. Specifically, a third place.
8BitBlood and Malibu Fit Maxx
What Is a Third Place?
The term "third place" was coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book The Great Good Place. The idea is simple but powerful: beyond your home (first place) and your workplace (second place), there's a third category of space, informal gathering spots where community actually forms. Third places aren't transactional. You don't go there to accomplish a task and leave. You go there because you feel welcome, because you'll probably run into someone you know, and because there's a low enough barrier to entry that conversation just happens naturally.
Oldenburg identified a few defining characteristics of a great third place:
It's free or inexpensive to enter. Nobody should have to buy anything to belong.
It's highly accessible. Close to home, easy to get to, open often.
It has regulars. The soul of a third place is its recurring cast of characters.
It's welcoming to newcomers. A great third place has a gravitational pull, people want to bring others in.
The mood is playful. Conversation, not consumption, is the main activity.
Third places used to be everywhere. They were the backbone of neighborhood life.
Nick Guardione and Austin World’s Strongest Man
Why Third Places Matter More Than Ever
Here's the hard truth: we've quietly engineered third places out of our lives. The coffee shop became a co-working space with headphones and laptops. The neighborhood bar got replaced by delivery apps. The park lost its benches. Suburban sprawl means we drive everywhere alone rather than walking past the same faces every day. And then, of course, the pandemic finished the job for a while. What we're left with is a kind of social infrastructure crisis. We have first places and second places, but that middle space, the one where you just exist alongside other people without an agenda, has eroded. The loneliness epidemic is, in large part, the result.
The good news is that third places still exist. Some of them are thriving. You just have to choose to show up.
Metroflex The Castle Fort Worth - My Favorite Gym
A Few Great Third Places Worth Knowing
Third places look different for everyone. Here are some of the most common ones and what makes each of them work:
Coffee Shops The classic. A good coffee shop has regulars, a barista who knows your order, and an ambient energy that makes you feel less alone even when you're working solo. The challenge: headphone culture has made coffee shops quieter and more transactional than they used to be.
Libraries Underrated and underused. Free to enter, full of curious people, and often home to community programming that creates natural reasons to return. If you want a third place with zero pressure, start here.
Parks and Recreation Centers Especially powerful if you go at the same time regularly. Shared outdoor space creates shared rhythm, and shared rhythm creates familiarity.
Houses of Worship For those with faith communities, these have always been among the most powerful third places in the world. Built-in belonging, built-in reason to return.
Barbershops and Salons Don't underestimate these. They've functioned as neighborhood gathering spots for generations, particularly in communities where other third places are scarce.
Local Breweries and Bars When done right, a neighborhood bar is still one of the most democratic social spaces around. Everyone's welcome, and the format naturally encourages conversation.
The Gym And here's where I want to spend a little more time. Because I think this one is the most underestimated third place of our generation.
Barb crushing a strongwoman event
Why the Gym Is the Third Place I Keep Coming Back To
I'll be honest, I didn't always think of the gym this way. For a long time, it was just a task. Show up, do the thing, leave. Headphones in. Eyes down. Done. But somewhere along the way, that changed. And I think it changed because of the people. I recently met a guy named Malibu at a bodybuilding show. He's someone who treats the gym exactly the way a third place should be treated. I asked him what he looks for in a friend, and what he said stuck with me:
"I hang out with tons of nerds and jocks. But what I really look for is someone who's positive, someone who doesn't always look through a lens of negativity. And at the gym, no matter who you are, I'm going to be your friend." Lee Markham aka Malibu Fit Maxx
That's a third place mentality. That's Oldenburg's whole thesis dressed up in gym shorts. Here's what makes the gym uniquely powerful as a third place:
You show up on a schedule and so do other people. Regularity is everything when it comes to building familiarity. You don't have to try to run into the same people. If you go at 7am on Tuesdays, you will see the same faces. That repetition is the foundation of friendship.
The shared suffering creates real bonds. There's something about doing something hard alongside other people that accelerates connection in a way that sitting at a coffee shop doesn't. You suffer together. You celebrate small wins together. That matters.
It's already a reason to leave the house. One of the hardest parts about building community as an adult is that you have to manufacture reasons to be around people. The gym is already a built-in reason. You don't have to invent a social event, you just have to show up for yourself, and community becomes possible as a byproduct.
It cuts across social lines. Malibu made this point better than I could. The gym is one of the few places where people from genuinely different walks of life end up in the same room, doing the same things, every single week. That kind of cross-section is rare, and it's exactly what makes a great third place great.
The Ask
You don't have to reinvent your social life. You don't have to sign up for some awkward friend-making app or force yourself into situations that don't fit who you are. You just have to find your third place and then actually show up. For some of you, that's the coffee shop. For others, it's the library or the park or the barbershop down the street. For me, it's increasingly the gym. Because it turns out that the place I went to work on myself is also the place I've met people worth keeping around.
Take your headphones out once in a while. Say something to the person next to you. You might be surprised what happens next.
If you want more on this topic, check out my video on making friends as an adult, it's about how one random conversation at Disney World turned into one of the best friendships I've ever had.